December 16, 2017

Dark attempt

I'm losing myself again. I think I am being unconscious in my life right now. I didn't even know what am I doing in my life right now. Everything seems so dark. I can't clearly see what's happening around me right now. I can't even think well, can't really plan for my future endeavours. I am losing my passion. I'm no longer know what's my passion and even what are the things that keeps me going on right now. I'm no longer brave to dream. I've lose my spirit, my soul. I've lose everything inside me. It's empty. I keep on hearing voices in my head. Stuck in depression. Cried heavily. Attempted suicide. How bad can these things be? I don't even know what's happening to me now...I kinda feel that I am in a big regret. I didn't work hard for myself, my future. I've let myself lost in my own mean world. I've let depression controlled me. I regret for letting these things happened.

God, please help me. I'm insane.

October 6, 2017

On the edge of every why (s)

Why am I putting extra effort for myself & for other people to be happy?
Why they didn't do the same to me?
Why I don't feel appreciated?
Why should I tell what to do when you don't wanna do it anyway?
Why do I have to spend time mending my own broken heart?

I've talked too much.
I've think too much.
And I hope I've made too much, too.

On every why(s), there comes disappointment.
On every why(s), there comes heartbreaks.

August 5, 2017


I'm sorry;


You've changed.

May 28, 2017


My souls are empty.
Loneliness conquered me.
Depression is haunting.

I hate this feeling of loneliness.
Of feeling empty.
Of feeling miserably lonely.

Behind all these smiles, there is an empty soul.
Behind all these laughter, there are tears, falling like a waterfall.
Behind all these strengths, there are bruises all over this heart.

Demoralized, demotivated.

I need a remedy.
Cure me.

Tears, N

May 12, 2017

22 days; Looking for Love

when they are comfortable enough;
they'll loved.
and probably;
they'll forget.
They'll forget the happiness they created before.

It's suicidal.
It's painful.

Am I breaking my own heart?
Or --
It's just a fantasy of mine?

Maybe, people should stop promising me things that they can't keep.
Maybe, people should stop convincing me that I'll get defense on anything.
Maybe, people should stop saying that they will protect me.

Maybe, they should stop.
They should;
because they won't. They don't.

I hope I will keep seeing things, in a good way.
I hope.

because the hope is fading; the hope towards myself is fading.

Love, N