February 13, 2017

I choose.......

After countless hours & minutes, waiting for good, we chose this way?

I choose to stay away.

Perhaps I am hurt with my own mistakes. The one who always try to ruin a happy story. Fuck. Can you at least make people happy, self? Can you stop being stupid?

I choose to stay away.

How many more days should I stay in this depression?

Broken; I am more than broken right now.

God, please pull me out. I can't stand anymore.

February 11, 2017


Things are just getting dull lately. Am I being the old me back again? It's a red alert if it's a yes. Things are getting dull, slow, boring and yeah, umm I don't know. I can't simply assume anything because I am afraid it all actually came from me. So stay chill and.............stay chill. Don't put up too much comments, dissatisfaction, complaints, arguments and so on, self. Stay down to the max.

Embrace yourself.

Love, N

February 6, 2017

The hustle is real

Currently found myself trapped in my own mind all over again. Sick of it. Everything seems to be a mess right now. All I wanna do right now is to keep everyone safe from any mess. Yet, I have to sacrifice myself. It's a hard decision I gotta bare, really hard. I'm afraid that I won't be able to say hello to a good future. Sometimes I wonder why did I took up these kind of responsibilities in my life. But the answer is super easy: it was fated to be yours. No saying no.

Strength & support is all I ever need right now. But seems like I can't really find anyone to talk, comforting myself. Hey, I should be doing it myself. No more telling people. No more. I need a distraction, to manipulate my mind from all these negativity. Yet, I can't find the right things, places to distract my mind from all of this. The hustle is getting real. I am afraid that someday I'll be giving up in my life again. I ain't going back to dark past of mine, where I made stupid decisions for myself. No, strictly no.

"Am I depressed?"

Yes, you are.
Just, don't let your depression controls you like it did before.

Where is the light? It's dark here.

Pull me out.

Love, N