January 17, 2017

A lil bit about today;

Today, I just realized that I am lonely & sad. I just don't know why I had this kind of feeling. Perhaps I am clingy? Hmmm big question mark in my head. Is this the feeling of being clingy, overly attached or what else should I named it? This feeling is weird. I rarely got this feeling. Feels like.......I need someone's attention. But definitely on nothing. Is this love? For real? Gahhh, I hate this feeling. I ended up writing letters, diary & so on. I couldn't voice it out loud. I had tonnes of questions in my head right now, but it's all negative. Shit, just shit. I am in the midst of telling or not telling. This feeling is sick! (haha)

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Today, I realized that the relationship I am having right now is damn real. It's definitely testing my patience on waiting and tolerating. I feel like wanna get angry on something but somehow I realized that it is not relevant at all. So I decided to stay quite and tone down my fucking ego. What a relieve......I managed myself very well, extremely well than before. This relationship I am having right now taught me what is to be happy, how important it is and also, not to give stupid assumption. Yes self yes. You managed yourself really well these few days! You might not be able  to speak up to him, but at least, you tolerate with yourself first, you got yourself neutral first. That's good! Good job! :) I miss him, but I am afraid. (stupidest reason ever) how many more days should it be like this?!?! I hate this. Ugh. But still, sabar je lah.....you're not clingy, right? (haha)

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Today, I realized of the importance of being grateful. Your words show it all. For instance, you might not like your work or whatever you are doing, but as long as you are sincere on it, Allah will definitely helps you. He always do. He opens up a lot of opportunities, yet we are still engrossed. Be grateful in life, self. I hate it when they don't want to listen to me. Still, I got to stay strong & be patient all the time. All you are doing now is for your own better future. And one of the way to help the one that need the most; your family.

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Today, I realized that my life is valuable. So try to be happy even if you are not. Try to put yourself up back again when everyone try to put you down. Try to be independent (cuz you always are!), don't ever depend on other people to make you happy. Comfort yourself first. Chin up girl! Spend less time crying & not sleeping. Don't make your ugly face gets uglier! (haha)

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Last but not least, --

I hate days like this. Please end soon. Sigh.

Love, N

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