Ain't my fault?

Nope. It's totally my fault. My fault of getting into these shits and not knowing how to survive. Days are getting worst. Pressured. Even how many times I told myself to be patient, still, I am standing on the same cliff. Whether to jump and die or keep on waiting until someone even save me from falling. I can't get myself right. I can't get myself into the right space. I'm lost in my own world. World full of negativity. World full of disgrace. World full of 'demons'. But, confront it, self. You were the demon before this. Accept it. Face it! What else? What kind of games you guys want to play some more? Show me. Show to the world. Humiliate me. Hey, trying to kick me out from this world? It's not yours. Not fucking yours. 

I asked God what's the best answer. But, He is not giving any yet. Yes, it is a test. But still, why can my mind accept it? Why? Question to yourself: why? Ahhh all these things got me tired, super tired. But I need to be alive. I can't lose to my own life. I can't be weak. Don't show to the world that you are useless, self. Because you are not a loser. You were born to be a hero in your life. Hold on. Please, hold on.

Love, N